Welcome Back my Friends...

Well, hello again.  It's been a long time, and few and far between.  For my few faithful followers, I apologize.  When I first got serious about this block it was the eve of my 40th birthday, late December of 2011.  My life was not only a mess, but I really had no idea who I was or where I was going.  The purpose, then, of this blog was to chart my journey of self discovery through all my various interests and thoughts.  I did spend the next year on a crazy roller coaster ride and I can say that by the end of 2012 my life had changed significantly.  Not only for the better, but also in ways I never imagined.  This trend, so far, has continued on through these first few months of 2013.

I can honestly say that I know who I am now, and I know where I'm going.  I'm also about 75% different, 75% of the person I want to be.  My life, for sure, has not only been extremely busy, but fulfilling in the way I so desperately wanted it to be for so long.  This hasn't left me much time, or desire really, to blog.  Now though, that I've come so far I decided that I once again am going to turn to my blog to share myself, my interests, my recipes, and my ideas.  I might not blog as much as I used to, but honestly, I didn't have much of an audience anyway.

This is for me.  Let the rest of my transformation and the rest of my life begin today.

Wishing you clarity,

-H

Resolutions

I know it's not New Year's Day yet, but I decided to start my New Year's Resolutions early.  No time like the present right?  So here's my list:

1.  Lost weight.  I was doing well, I had lost 40 pounds since last year, but since Thanksgiving I have gained back 10.  It's time to get on a reasonable path to losing weight.

2.  I forced myself to quit smoking again.  This time, I need to make it stick.  I really really enjoy smoking, but if I continue I'm going to kill myself.

3.  Exercise more.  I spent a lot of time last year hiking and walking, and now this year, not so much.  I need to get back into the groove.

4.  Eat better food.  Another item where I was doing well, but have fallen off the wagon.

As you can see, my resolutions revolve around being healthy.  I spent this year working on my personal and emotional issues, and in so doing, have neglected my health.  Hope you all have good resolutions that you can stick to!

H&H,

Heather

Bulghur Wheat Pilaf

It's the time of the month.  The time right before payday where the cupboards are looking pretty bare and pickings are slim.  I needed to make some supper and the only things staring me in the face were a pound of ground beef, and some bulghur wheat.  I thought, surely I can make something delicious and hearty out of this.  Here's what I got, and here's how to make it.  You need to try it!  Delicious.  Incidentally, if you'd like to make this vegan style, you can either substitute tofu, tempeh, more vegetables, along with olive or safflower oil and you will get the same great effect.


Bulghur and Beef Pilaf

1 pound of ground beef
2 cups of bulghur wheat, coarse
4 cups of vegetable stock
1 can, or 3 cut up, tomatoes
1 pepper, any kind, seeded, cored, and chopped into small pieces
1/2 to 1 cup of sliced mushrooms
1/2 t. of 7 spice
1 t. smoked paprika
1 t. cajun seasoning
2 t. pepper
2 t. sea salt
3 cloves garlic, chopped
1 small, or 1/2 medium, onion, chopped

In a dutch oven, cook ground beef until done, breaking up with a large wooden spoon.  When beef is cooked through, leave juices, and add garlic, onion, and bulghur.  Cook for 2-5 minutes.  Add vegetable stock and cook another 3 minutes.  Add all the rest of the ingredients and seasonings.  Turn temperature down to medium, cover, and cook until bulghur has soaked up all the liquid, 20-30 minutes.

What a Difference a Year makes.

Well friends, it's been a long time.  Too long in fact but it seems that I've had the standard life's-been-really-busy-lately spiel.  I haven't done any writing in quite some time, and I sorely need to do so.  So, here goes.

It's true throughout our lifetimes that we can say what a difference a day, a week, a month, a year, or whatever, makes.  It really is.  My life is no exception, and in my case, it's a year.

It was almost a year ago that, sitting in front of my computer listening to a musical Winter Solstice tiding, that the wheel was set in motion.  I seriously began to ponder upon my life.  Who was I really?  What did I want out of my life?  I spent this year since then on a personal journey that has tested me in every single way.
 
I knew that I needed, first and foremost, to change things about my life because I knew that I was completely unhappy.  My marriage was toxic, I had a job that I hated, I was bitter about friendships, and generally envious of anyone who had it good.  I decided right then and there that if I wanted a different life, I needed to change it myself.

I always knew I wanted to be a musician and a writer when I was a teenager, but societal norms dictated that I try to be successful.  What does that mean anyway?  Who defines success?  I decided I should define my own success.  So I set about the task of getting reacquainted with my musical and writing skills.

By the middle of the year, I had asked for a divorce which really only complicated things instead of making them better.  After a month of separation, where we saw other people, our love conquered everything else and we made another go of it.  This time, we decided to bury the past, and treat each other better.  Our marriage is rock-solid now, and filled with love.

I decided I needed to find a better job, and as luck would have it...I did in the middle of October.  I finally found my dream job.  One where I love the job AND the people I work for.  I also make a good wage so things couldn't be better.

I finally quit judging my family and friends, and decided to view things through their perspective whenever I felt angry or disappointed.  It works like a charm.

I quit worrying about every little thing, and decided to relax more and enjoy my life.

I decided to embrace myself as I am and be happy with whatever I am.

A year later, things in life couldn't be better.  I've never been so happy.  It's been a rough year to be sure, but I came out on top.  I figured out that all I really wanted out of life was to feel fulfilled, and to find meaning in life.  And I've done just that.  Not strictly by the things I've mentioned, but by grasping the interests I love and going with those as well.  Whether it's Renaissance Faires, a concert, hiking in the woods, building a bonfire, camping, or having a glass of wine with friends, I fill my life with that which makes me happy.  And when tough times come along...well, I deal with it just fine because everything else is as it should be.

What a difference a year has made!  The girl has finally gone, and the woman stands in her place.

Hope & Harmony,

Heather

Bitch

This is a first in a series of feminist editorials that I am writing called:  “Breaking the Stereotype:  How Women and Men define their own, and each other’s, Gender Roles in Society.”  My goal is to shatter preconceived notions of what gender roles are, how language is used as a barrier to equality, and how people perpetuate negative stereotypes, whether they are male or female.  What does it mean to be a feminist?  How do gender roles play out in culture and society at large?  Do women really have equal choices and options?  How do we achieve equal rights for everyone regardless of race, gender, or sexual preference?  These are just a few of the topics I will cover in this series, and I hope that it will enlighten those who read it.  Be forewarned that there will be language and subject matter from time to time that will be offensive to some.  I cannot be responsible for that; I just intend to be upfront and informational.  Take it as you will.

Bitch

“What’s up bitches?”  “Look at those bitches!”  “If people think I’m a bitch now, just wait until they see this!”  “Yeah, I’m a bitch.  So fucking what?”  Do any of these phrases, or ones similar in nature, sound familiar?  They should.  In this day of instant access to countless people via mass media and the internet, these sentences comprise common language.  I see and hear these words more times a day than I can count, more often than not, and all of them have something in common; the term bitch. 

There are songs, bands, so-called feminist websites, and various other things that are devoted to the word.  I’ve seen it used as a noun (She’s a bitch), a verb (No need to bitch about it), and an adjective (I stubbed my toe on that bitch dresser).  I’ve seen and heard plenty of quotes that use, in some form, the word bitch.  “Shit’s only as real as the bitches who told you,” et al.

The online Merriam-Webster dictionary defines bitch as:

“1: the female of the dog or some other carnivorous mammals

2   a: a lewd or immoral woman

     b: a malicious, spiteful, or overbearing woman —sometimes used as a generalized term      of abuse

3: something that is extremely difficult, objectionable, or unpleasant

4: complaint”

Other dictionaries define bitch in pretty much the same manner, so as we can see, bitch is used a derogatory term.  I don’t imagine, or pretend, that that fact is new to anyone, including myself.  I have used the term myself to refer to a boss, a girl I knew, or any other woman who was generally being unpleasant.  I would say that many people have used it in exactly the same way.  That’s not the problem as far as I’m concerned.  The problem I do have with using the word bitch is when it’s used as a positive term, or a self-definition.  A word that I use strictly as an insult is not one that I would use to describe myself or my friends.

I know there’s a new type of feminism (although I beg to differ on using feminism as a label for this type of mind-set but I will save that topic for another editorial) that seeks to ‘take back’ words and terms that are pejorative or derogatory.  Bitch is one of those words, as is cunt, whore, and a score of others.  I hate this type of thinking.  If I ‘took back’ the “N” word…do you think it would be appropriate?  I can’t even type that word let alone take it back without being considered racist, yet I can use the “B” word to define myself?  I cringe at the self-loathing that this word, and other words of this nature, connote and refuse to accept this as neither normal nor acceptable. 

Bitch is a negative word that has no place in feminist vernacular.  No one should be proud to be a bitch.  You are not a bitch because you have opinions, you just have straightforward opinions.  You are not a bitch because you demand equality; you see humanity on a level playing field.  You are not a bitch because you have PMS; your hormones are fucking with your brain chemistry.  You’re not a bitch because you’re a man who dates a strong woman.  You’re not a bitch because you’re a man who’s not into sports.  Stop referring to yourself as bitches or letting people refer to you as bitches; you’re just normal people with normal lives and normal thoughts.  If you’re a man who refers to women as bitches, as a general term, you’re being misogynistic; and if you’re a man who refers to other men as bitches, shut up.  You just sound like childish morons.  Bitch is not a word that needs to be “reclaimed”. 

If one is really, truly interested in gender equality than why don’t they stand up to gender injustice?  Why don’t they advocate the equality of humans and fight for everyone’s rights to be treated thusly?  Why don’t they rally a battle cry against discriminations of sexual preference, gender, or race?  These are the things that really need to be reclaimed, not words like bitch.

To truly be treated as an equal, one must first act like an equal.  I’m not a bitch, are you?

-H.A. Larson, 10/2012

Black Soul

          My black soul is a raging river, emptying its contents into the sea, 

          My heart swells like clouds in the sky, and beats faster than a raven 
          wing,

          This sadness overtakes me and covers me like a cloak of velvet.

          Tears fall from my eyes and onto the ground in my own personal 
          rainstorm,

          I am powerless to stop this entity inside me from taking form,

          I cannot breathe in this air of acrid hate and animosity.

          Morning comes and washes me in its fiery glow,

          Awakening outside and inside a person I do not know,

          I rise from the bed I have made for myself.

         

          From far away across the plains a dark looming cloud takes shape,

          I run as fast as I can to meet it for it is my fate,

          It swallows me up in an embrace that I cannot escape from.

          My life ebbs and flows like the tides of the ocean reaching the shore,

          I wander and stumble like a child lost forevermore,

          My black soul is a raging river, emptying its contents into the sea.

H.A. Larson - 2012

The Extreme Exercise NonPhenom

I am a firm believer that anyone who starts an extreme exercise program should do so privately.  Why?  I can't tell you how many times I've seen people post on social forums how they are starting P90X, Insanity, or any other extreme exercise program.  That in itself wouldn't be anything to talk about, but I noticed a trend.  People who let the world know they are going on the extreme journey only post a few times about it, they might even post a link to a blog that 'chronicles their journey' and then....nothing.  I really don't know anyone, come to think of it, who's actually done more than just start one of these programs.  Oh, a few might get a few extra posts in about it, but then it fades away like it never happened.  We all know you failed the extreme exercise challenge, and we don't blame you.  Next time someone starts one of these programs, they should keep it under wraps for awhile...until they know they're going to finish.